As many of you already know, I am not of the Bridget Jones persuasion. I have never believed that over analysing things is beneficial and as such, never really got into the ‘self-help book revolution’. However, there comes a point when you’ve tried everything else and this is the only thing left. And sometimes, apparently, it’s the right way to go.
Since Christmas I’ve got stuck in a bit of a rut. A procrastination rut. I put things off in favour of something else, but then that gets put off in favour of something else and then I can’t do that til I’ve done something else first and so on.
The next thing you know it’s 8pm and you’ve done bugger all but faff about all day.
As someone who now relies 100% on self-motivation to pay the rent, this could not carry on. I was bored with not getting things done, frustrated with not being able to make a decision and downright cranky to boot. I’ve tried a few different things over the last 2 months, but they all seemed to make things worse. Breaking multitudinous tasks down into ‘bite-size chunks’ just creates even more tasks for you to faff over not doing. Having a schedule goes to pot the minute you find that yes, you’ve scheduled finishing that project today but it’s not going to happen because first you have to go buy more ink. Or you over sleep.
I was getting to the point where I was getting frustrated, because procrastination is not something I’ve ever suffered from. I’m the sort of person who, given a deadline of ‘by next Friday’ will have it done and on your desk this Friday so I can take next Friday off. I do things now or at the very least, next, Â because that’s what works for me. So after some 15 weeks of constant procrastination and getting very little done, I decided I needed to try a new approach.
Anam gave me ‘Vein of Gold‘ by the same author a few years ago, and as a read-through-be-inspired book I found it useful. I tried a chapter or two as a work-through book this time but couldn’t find anything relevant. Procrastination for me is not about being disorganised, fear of failure or fear of success. It’s about ‘not knowing where to begin’ because there’s to much to do. I used to have it when I worked full time and at those times I’d grab my to do list and go wild-eyed into Liz’s office and say “Help! I’m overwhelmed! Where do I start?” Which would result in her grabbing my to do list, crossing off about half of it as ‘unnecessary’ and re-organising the rest into an order with strict instructions to do this and this by the end of the day. It was a magic formula that always worked. So I knew I just needed somewhere (anywhere) to start and then I’d have the momentum to keep going.
Enter The Artist’s Way, forerunner to Vein of Gold. You can download the first chapter from Cameron’s website and get started with morning pages and artists dates without buying the book. I have the book on the way, because now I’m curious.
I have to say, for what I needed it’s worked like a charm. Knowing I have to get up and do my morning pages within 45 minutes of getting up has helped me get up and get doing something straight away in the morning that doesn’t involve vaguely checking email and getting lost in blogland. For the last 5 days I get up, clean my teeth and such, feed the cats, make a cup of tea and immediately sit with my book and just drivel onto the page. (The word drivel here is explanatory both of what I write and how I write it since apparently my handwriting first thing in the morning resembles hieroglyphics).  What I’ve found is that by the time I get to the third page, I’m awake, I’m alert, I’ve got my whinge out of the way (read: I’m totally not a morning person) and I’m already deciding what I’ll do next. That what I’ll do next has, so far, no resembled my logical to do list at all. It’s as if my brain is waiting til I’m busy writing to do it’s own to do list and working out what it feels like working on today.
For the first 4 days I went from my morning pages through my get showered and dressed cycle straight into ‘sketch out some of that, do your 3 hour class, come home and clean 1/3 of a room, continue sketching some of that, art journal, relax. Day 5 was my ‘artist’s date’ where I spent the morning working on a class project (where I’m the student for a change), then went to see Alice in Wonderland (Tim Burton + Lewis Carroll = enough creative material for several weeks). In between I had lunch and took a 1.5 mile walk. No really. There was, like, exercising involved and everything. Day 6 involved setting up blog posts in advance, teaching a workshop, cleaning 1/3 of my studio lounge, then having an evening off and cooking a proper meal.
I feel energetic, motivated, I’m not longer frustrated or angry about making the  simplest decision and I’m getting things done whilst also finding time to relax and exercise. It’s as if doing the morning pages is my gateway into my to do list which, I might add, I have ignored all week. I know what needs to be done in my head and lately writing a to do list has become a practice in procrastination of the actual ‘do’ part. I’ve been adding them into my morning pages as I think of things, like a stream of consciousness. I read on the forums over on her website where someone said they found getting up in the morning ‘very disorientating’ and I knew immediately what they meant. That’s me. It’s like that feeling after you get off a roller coaster or a ship and you can’t quite work out where your legs go, but applied to your whole body and brain.
So, that’s where I’ve been this week. Taking some time out to figure out a way of working that really works for me and gets me doing things instead of thinking about doing things. Motivation, determination and creativity I have in bucket loads, but working out which bit to start with when I was on overload wasn’t happening. Since I’ve handed that responsibility over to someone else and my first ‘to do’ is set and void of decision making by me, I feel much happier and just get on with things.
I’ve got the book on order, should be here by Monday. I’m curious to see what the other 12 weeks of exercises are like. I enjoyed the Vein of Gold a lot, but it was too heavy and in-depth for my needs, but I’m assured that The Artists Way is a bit less taxing and do-able and with so much to catch up on I really need something that fits into my life. I’ll keep you updated as I go. I have a lot to accomplish over the next few weeks, not least of which is getting back to updating my blog regularly, so hopefully this is going to help there too. We’ll see shall we?
At the very least I’ve got a good foothold on two projects and a clean kitchen out of it.
